


wonder if you look both ways when you cross my mind

by dontrollthedice



Series: dice's spotify playlist [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:53:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27471547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontrollthedice/pseuds/dontrollthedice
Summary: Late at night, Tapl daydreams.
Relationships: George | Spifey/Harvey | TapL
Series: dice's spotify playlist [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2054385
Comments: 33
Kudos: 94





	wonder if you look both ways when you cross my mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [poisontapL](https://archiveofourown.org/users/poisontapL/gifts).



> _20/20, 20/20 vision  
>  Cupid hit me, cupid hit me with precision  
> I wonder if you look both ways  
> When you cross my mind_

Tapl was no stranger to pining, but he couldn’t remember his heart physically aching for someone this much.

“Remember to keep an eye on your health,” Tapl said after landing the finishing hit on Spifey’s avatar. He yawned as the text for winning a duel popped up on his screen. “I had six hearts on you during that.”

Spifey chuckled, and Tapl’s heart soared.

“Yeah, I should,” Spifey said. “Can we go again?”

Tapl hummed in agreement, then clicked on the option to duel again.

They had been at this for some time now after Spifey had texted him asking him to help improve his 1.8 PVP skills. While Spifey hadn’t won a match yet, he was inching closer and closer to a victory with each duel. 

And as Spifey's skill grew, the daydreams grew with it.

Kisses promised for every victory on Spifey's side, only for Tapl to then throw every match. Shared laughter and teasing at embarrassing slip-ups. Affectionate glances when they thought the other wasn't looking. Would that ever be possible?

"Harvey? You haven't moved. Are you frozen?"

Tapl blinked, then focused back into the game. "Oh, yeah, sorry. You ready?"

Spifey answered by shooting an arrow right past him. Whether missing was intentional or not, Tapl didn't know.

But his focus could only stay for so long before it started drifting again.

In hindsight, the beginning of his infatuation had started during their time together in LA. It was one thing to occasionally talk to a friend through a screen; it was another to see that friend face-to-face every day and learn how he spoke, how he looked, how he reacted. All the quirks that made him  _ him _ reared their heads, and now Tapl found himself flustered at just playing Minecraft with him.

Oh, shit, he was on fire. Tapl set water on the block beneath him, then picked it back up.

It was only after they moved out when Tapl realized. Of course, he missed Skeppy, the high of living with two of his closest friends, the celebration of youth every time they did something incredibly stupid. Yet it was Spifey his mind drifted to every time it found itself idle. Only Spifey's smile could bring his own smile to his face instantly. Nobody else was quite as kind, clever, so unashamedly unique as him.

But sharing that with anyone was career suicide. Spifey wasn't only a friend—he was a coworker and would stay that way until one of them left the Minecraft sphere. Judging by the recent surge in Minecraft's popularity, neither of them were going anywhere.

Dread knotted in his stomach. He felt sick.

Everything was complicated. Why did everything have to be complicated?

There were no cheers from the other end of the call when Spifey landed the last hit on him.

"You seem distracted," Spifey said softly. Goodness, his voice was always so soft. "Are you alright?"

Tapl's throat tightened.

How was he supposed to explain his stupid childish infatuation had matured into love? How was he supposed to explain how Spifey crossed his mind at every hour of the day, that his hand yearned to be held? How could he even begin to explain everything beautiful he saw in him and still find the courage to ask if he saw the same in Tapl?

"I'm okay," Tapl said. He glanced at the bottom right of his screen. Since when was it four in the morning? "Just a little tired."

Spifey hummed in understanding. "Isn't it four over there? You should get some sleep."

That was the most unappealing idea on the planet, but Tapl rubbed his eyes and logged out of the server. "Yeah, I think I will."

"Goodnight then. Thanks for helping me."

"No problem. Goodnight."

Then he was left sitting alone in the TeamSpeak channel, unspeakably cold and alone.

He remembered sometime in January when he had tweeted out wanting a boyfriend to cuddle with at night. His friends had liked the tweet, had teased him about it, but the fact remained that he didn’t have a boyfriend. He still lied awake at night, as cold and alone as he felt now. It was easy to carry himself away dreaming of all the possibilities, but reality would always be there to bitch slap him back to his senses.

Spifey didn’t love him. He couldn’t. Not anything more than a friend anyway. Tapl had to learn how to be okay with that.

But he'd be lying if he insisted it didn't hurt. His heart quivered like a leaf. Spifey had knocked the air out of his lungs with that final goodnight, and his lungs stayed shriveled in defeat. Love was the most painful experience in his life.

He couldn't help it anyway. His heart clung onto this stupid crush tighter and tighter the more he thought about it. No matter what, he couldn't shake dreams of sharing a drink with one straw, of cuddling during movies, of waking up and finding Spifey next to him.

Fuck, that hurt.

This sucked. This fucking sucked.

Tapl screwed his eyes shut.

Love was a scam, and he had fallen right into its palms.

**Author's Note:**

> _I said, I said  
>  I'm sick of, sick of, sick of, sick of chasing  
> You're the one that's always running through my daydream, I  
> I can only see your face when I close my eyes_


End file.
